if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
