After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
