okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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