Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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