5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
