It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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