so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
