if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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