State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
