Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I had to cum in my sink.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
