I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
