Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hippo gnu deer
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
