I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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