also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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