Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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