I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
