It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
