Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
