i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
