All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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