I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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