She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
