So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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