shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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