why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
