for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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