And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
