Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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