haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
