woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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