No stitches, just platelets and will power
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
