i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
