You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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