My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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