got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
