Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize