I can tuck mytits in my pants
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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