I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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