I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
