Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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