Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
