every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The air taste purple.
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