WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
