Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
