i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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