1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize