So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
