So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
