And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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