So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
