I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
