why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize