I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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