Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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