i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
