I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize