Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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