Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
