If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
