I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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