Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
