Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you had me at cake vodka
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
