i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
