Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
