k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
