she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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