I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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