You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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