Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
