WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
