left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize