Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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