If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
