dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
