Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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