thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
