shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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