I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
