i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
