grandma shit on top of the toilet
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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