So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
