Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
