I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
