Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
