In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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