Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
