He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize