OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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