Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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