apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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