yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
