My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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