i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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