ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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