Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
