you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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