i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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