All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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