She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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