i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
