You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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