Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize