I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
