I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
