I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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